


the sky was made for me to touch (i believe in us)

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Asexuality, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, lotsa kissin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7625764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>josh had grown to be ashamed of who he was, and what he didn't want. tyler thinks he's just fine the way he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the sky was made for me to touch (i believe in us)

Josh didn’t like to touch himself. And for the first seventeen years of his life, it was okay.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried to, or that he hadn’t found something or someone that turned him on. He’d watched porn on a dare when he was fourteen and gotten aroused, but the minute he wrapped a hand around himself he cringed and immediately tucked his boner back into his boxers. Never again.

Josh didn’t like it when other people touched him, either. The summer after sophomore year was the first time he kissed a girl. It was also the first time he’d made out with a girl, the same girl. At one point she’d clambered onto his lap and started to grind, and that was when the panic and disgust set in, and he shied away. 

Never again.

Google told him it was religious guilt, and he believed it for a while. Until he got “the talk” from his dad, who told him getting aroused was natural and nothing to be ashamed of. That sex with the right girl, after marriage, was natural.  _ Good _ , even. Josh couldn’t understand how.

Then Google told him it was a traumatic mental block that prohibited him from experiencing pleasure, and he believed that for a while, too. But when it came to figuring out what traumatic experience could be blocking his mind, he found nothing. 

So Josh forgot about it. He avoided romantic relationship and steered completely clear of any kind of hookups or physical affection. He slipped up sometimes but learned from his mistakes. Forced himself to learn from them.  _ Let no one in _ .

The opening night of the Blurryface tour, he and a group of old friends went out for drinks. He invited Tyler along- of course, he invited Tyler along. At this point of their friendship and career, they were a package deal. Indisputable. He didn’t plan very much on getting that shitfaced, but in the end, he and Tyler made it onto the floor while Drunk In Love blared throughout the slightly shady bar to dance, and he was long gone. 

Everything was a blur, a hazy, warm blur of Tyler giggling and smiling and swaying his hips, hands interlocking with his and dragging him along, and suddenly they were on the tour bus, and suddenly, they were kissing. 

Despite the thick fog in Josh’s mind, he managed to wrap his arms tightly around Tyler’s waist and haul him close, deepening the kiss and relishing entirely in the warmth of Tyler’s body against his own. It stayed sloppy but innocent, just the gentle pressure of their bodies pressed together, lips interlocking, messy and careless. And then Tyler’s hips rolled. And suddenly, Josh felt the need to throw up. 

Josh stumbled back as quickly as he could, and Tyler’s eyes flew wide open. “Josh?” he slurred, an edge of panic in his voice. He could see the panic and fear in his eyes. 

“Sorry,” Josh choked out. He swallowed down the bile in his throat, half from the drinks, half from- “I can’t.”

Tyler simply nodded forcefully, shying away. “S’fine,” he insisted.  _ No _ , Josh thought despondently.  _ You’ve got it all wrong _ . “I’ll go.”

“Don’t.”

The panic on Tyler’s face was quickly replaced with confusion. “Are you okay?”

Josh shook his head.

“... We can pretend it didn’t happen, I swear.”

Josh shook his head again, more forceful this time, then opted to take a seat and keep his head from spinning as much as it currently was. He took several deep breaths. “The kiss, I… wanted. S’good. Promise.”

“So…” He watched as Tyler processed, gazes locked firmly together the entire time. “Was it, uh… the… grinding?”

Afraid of throwing up if he opened his mouth, Josh nodded once.

For a moment, Tyler was silent. Josh dropped his gaze to the floor, bracing for impact. The disgust. The repulsion. The  _ misunderstanding _ . He’d faced it in partners before, knew people expected sex in a relationship, even casual ones. It was natural. Normal.  _ Good _ , even. 

“Okay.”

Josh’s head snapped up suddenly, broken away from his remorseful reverie. His brows furrowed together in confusion.

Tyler just nodded. “Okay. I can work with that.” He leaned down slowly, bracing one arm on the table next to Josh, and kissed him lightly. Gently. A kiss, and nothing more.

As soon as he pulled away, Josh burst into tears.

~

Vacations from tour and recording were very few and far in between, but when Tyler and Josh went on vacation, they relished in it like there was no goddamn tomorrow. 

This time, they’d flown out to Hawaii and elected to spend a week exploring, relaxing on the beach, lazing around their rental condo- and a  _ lot _ of kissing. It was hard to be as affectionate as they wanted to on tour when fans could catch them at any second. But here, in their little secluded oasis? 

Josh refused to let go of Tyler’s hand for the majority of the week. It was half out of a need to be close to his boyfriend, and half out of the need to keep from dissolving into a panic. Alone like this, he couldn’t help but vividly remember his past partner’s discontent with his lack of a sex drive. He was so thankful for Tyler’s supportiveness, insistence that it didn’t matter, but the guilt still soaked through. 

He almost brought up his fear when they lounged by the pool one night, laying side by side on a few beach towels, curled up against each other. Tyler rolled onto his side to face Josh, lifting a hand and raking it gently through Josh’s bright pink hair. Josh sighed, eyes closing at the touch.

“I was Googling the other day.”

Josh hummed in response.

“There was this word I found, I wanted to talk to you about it.”

Slowly, Josh opened his eyes. He couldn’t help the glimmer of fear in his expression. He knew what was coming.

“There’s, uh… this term.”

He knew what was coming.

“Asexual?”

Josh stared.

This was  _ not _ what he saw coming.

Tyler swallowed hard, nodding a little as he continued. His free hand slid down and grasped Josh’s, interlacing their fingers and squeezing softly. “It’s, like, for people who… don’t, y’know, feel the need for sex. Or don’t want it.”

There were tears beading at the corners of Josh’s eyes. He nodded slightly.

“Yeah?”

Tyler nodded. His lips curled up slightly, and he lifted their connected hands to gently press his lips against Josh’s knuckles. “It’s okay, Josh.”

He couldn’t help it. His eyes squeezed shut, the tears leaking and spilling down his cheeks. Tyler just sighed and pulled him into his arms, holding him close, warm bodies barely pressed together. He felt the simple pressure of Tyler’s lips on his forehead, and relief swam through his chest in warm waves. 

“I love you,” Josh whimpered, nuzzling his tear stained face into Tyler’s bare chest. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

~

The next morning, Josh woke up first. It was actually rare that this happened- most days, especially hotel days, Josh woke to Tyler on his phone beside him. Tyler would immediately set it aside and roll over to kiss him chastely, to hold his hand, to play with his hair, to make out lazily as the sunlight streamed through half-open windows, crowding their space. But this morning, Josh woke up first.

He didn’t consciously decide to watch Tyler sleep, but once he started, he couldn’t tear his gaze away. Tyler just looked so peaceful, eyelashes brushing his cheeks, mouth parted ever so slightly as slow, deep breaths were pulled in and out of him. Without thinking, Josh reached over and traced the very slightly stubbly line of Tyler’s jaw, the rough hairs that contrasted sharply with the smooth, golden skin beneath. He watched as Tyler leaned into the touch, and before he could pull his hand away, dark brown eyes fluttered open and blinked up at him curiously.

“Hey.”

Tyler’s lips curled up into a sleepy smile. “Hey.”

“Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’fine,” he insisted, tilting his head to kiss the palm of Josh’s hand. “I like you better than sleep.”

Josh giggled, leaning down and peppering kisses across Tyler’s face. “I’m so honored,” he muttered, smiling at the sleep-hoarse laugh it pulled from Tyler. “I’d like to thank the Academy-”

“Oh, shut up.”

Josh fell onto his side then, watching as Tyler rolled over to face him, a delicate smile on his face. He always looked so lovely, glowing and smiling and radiating joy like his own personal happiness heater. “You’re beautiful,” Josh whispered. He sighed at the soft pink blush that spread over Tyler’s cheeks. “So, so beautiful.”

“Shu’up,” Tyler mumbled, and Josh snickered at his bashfulness. He scooted a little closer, Josh mirroring the action. A hand slid up to cup the side of Josh’s face. And they were kissing. 

It was slow, slow and sweet and so good. It was always good with Tyler. He knew Josh’s limits, knew to press their bodies close, but never to tangle limbs. Above the waist was fine to touch, and touch Tyler did, hands roaming Josh’s bare chest, down his back to shove him closer, but anything lower wasn’t okay. Hickeys were fine in moderation, and Josh wasn’t afraid to give them. And give them he did. 

As the kiss lengthened, Josh broke his lips away and started to make his way down the column of Tyler’s throat, sucking soft love bites into his skin and making him sigh. “Josh,” he whispered, one hand curling tightly into his hair, tugging lightly. “Love you s’much.”

Josh smiled against his skin, swirling his tongue around the red mark he’d made at the hollow of Tyler’s throat. Tyler moaned. And he froze.

“Sorry,” he heard Tyler murmur, the hand in his hair carding soothingly through his curls. “Sorry, we can stop.” Josh closed his eyes, resting his forehead in the crook of Tyler’s neck. “You’re too good at this for your own good, babe.”

Josh chuckled, but it faded quickly. Slowly, he started to kiss back up Tyler’s neck, nipping gently at Tyler’s jaw, pulling soft gasps from his boyfriend. “Jishwa, we should slow down.”

But Josh shook his head, sliding his hand up and down Tyler’s side. “You can touch yourself, y’know,” he muttered. 

“Josh…”

“Tyler.” He grazed his teeth slowly across Tyler’s jaw, and his head tipped back, a sigh escaping his lips. “I’m fine, I swear. If you need to touch yourself, you can.” Josh pulled back momentarily to watch Tyler as his head fell forward again, eyes searching Josh’s carefully, lovingly. “Do you need it, baby?”

A soft groan broke free from Tyler, and Josh just smiled in triumph. His lips crashed against Tyler’s again, still slow, but much deeper than before. The hand on the small of Josh’s back disappeared, and he couldn’t help but grin against Tyler’s lips. He felt it as Tyler shuddered against him, slid a hand into Tyler’s hair and tugged gently as his mouth moved back down and continued to ravage Tyler’s neck with soft bites and bruises.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Tyler gasped, head tipping back as far as he could. Small whimpered flowed incessantly from his swollen lips as Josh sucked another harsh bruise near Tyler’s collarbone. “God,  _ Josh _ .”

Josh continued to kiss and nip up and down the expanse of Tyler’s neck, reeling slightly as Tyler’s gasps and moans grew louder until he cried out and his entire body shook, spasming as he came. “There you go,” Josh murmured gently, kissing his way back to Tyler’s lips. 

Tyler absolutely melted against him, panting and gasping into Josh’s mouth. “Damn,” he muttered, still shuddering from the force of his orgasm. “You sure you’re okay?”

“M’fine,” Josh assured him, pecking Tyler’s lips one last time. “You good?”

“So good. Better than good. I don’t want to move for about ten years.”

Josh laughed, shaking his head a little as he sat up, stretching his arms above his head. His eyes remained on Tyler, on his breathlessly parted lips, on the look of pure adoration in his eyes, and sighed.

“I’m gonna make pancakes.”

Tyler grinned. “Bring ‘em in here. Let’s be lazy.”

“I’m all for that.”


End file.
